Sometimes you have to get lost before you find yourself.
-Unknown
In our life, there will be a tragic moment that will forever change you, next there will be another moment that you will look back on and realize that defining moment changed the course of your life.
That moment for me was the Summer of 2017, when I studied aboard in Spain.
Spring 2017, should’ve been the semester I graduated but I decided to double major so my graduation date moved back to Spring 2018.
And this was perfect because I got the opportunity to study abroad which I’ve always wanted to do.
For a month, I lived in one of the most beautiful and oldest Spanish city, Cádiz. I also traveled to 10 cities, learned about Spain’s culture, met some of the most interesting people, and improved my Spanish.
But my favorite thing about this trip, wasn’t the Paella, Churros de Chocolate or learning Flamenco. It was my study abroad friends and the many memories we shared while on this trip. To this day, we continue to get together and are currently planing our next trip to Spain.
The moment I turned in my study abroad documents, I made a decision that will forever impact me. While in Spain, I learned a lot academically but most importantly I grew as a person.
I grew in ways I never thought I was ready for. I gained a new sense of independence that I didn’t know I craved. I gained a new perspective on life and how I wanted to live it. But most importantly, I found myself again.
When my mom passed away, I felt that part of me had died with her. I wasn’t ambitious anymore and I closed myself from a lot of people. I became lost and tried to find myself again and again but I failed each time.
It wasn’t until I was thousands of miles away from my home, that I truly found myself.
I had a lot of time to think about myself while I was in Spain. I use to take the long way from my school to my host home, all along the sea wall just to think.
I can’t tell you how many times, I purposely got lost walking all over vejo Cádiz in my thoughts, trying to figure out who I was again.
And during all those walks, I had an Epiphany. I began to feel lost after my mom passed away. The reason why is because subconsciously, I believed that when my mom passed away, part of me also died with her. But that was far from the real truth.
Truth is that part of me didn’t die with her but instead I became scared to live my life because my mom’s life ended suddenly.
Because I was scared, I pushed family & friends away, let opportunities passed by, and I didn’t take as many risks as I should have. And this was the complete opposite of who I am and this lead me to feeling lost.
But when I finally realized this, my actions changed. Instead of pushing the most important people in my life away, now I’m able to talk to them about anything.
And the fear that prevented me from taking risks, no longer holds me back from taking opportunities in my life. (Can’t wait to share a special opportunity with you all in a couple of months!)
I would’ve never found myself, if I hadn’t studied abroad in Spain. This moment changed my life for the better and I will forever be grateful for that one summer that I finally found myself again.
Love Always,
Lidia
